Remembering and honoring our fathers (2010) - Canadian TV, Computing and Home Theatre Forums

TECHNOKID · 2010-06-20, 10:28 PM

Well, I was surprised not to see any thread on this special day this year so here we go.

My father died in 1975 (was 35 years ago on May 14 of this year), I was only 19 years old then. I always thought I was too young to loose my father and I could have used his wisdom. The worse is that both of my sons never got to know their grandfather

When I got married, I vowed my own children would live different and it was clear to me that I wanted children early in age so they could enjoy their father for many years even in their adult age. When the grand sons came (1 for each of my son during the same year), II extended that hope so that I and the grand children could also enjoy each others presence.

This year was quite an eye opener as I unexpectedly was admitted to hospital. My sons have never been used to see their father in a position of weakness and I even failed them trying to spare them the knowledge of my hospitalization. This simply made it worse since they learned about it from strangers (my employer). They have been trying to reach me since they wanted to meet for my birthday (witch being in hospital I didn't remember).

Both of my sons have since put on hold their own lives to be around and care for their father. They were traveling approximately 2.5 hours to come see and attend their father. They had carefully planned with my sisters to split-share visit time to ensure their father was not alone as much as possible. The both of them also traveled over night to make sure they were ready for their dad when pulling out of hospital. They also left middle of the night the next day as they made sure I was safe home before going back to their own life.

For quite a few months they were coming home to dad just about every weekends. I actually had to tell one of my son (youngest) to extend the time between his visits as his GF was starting to feel put aside. I always worry that when they devote to their dad that it might create problems with their own families and try to avoid such as much as possible.

While a loving father (I hope) I was also a father of discipline but was afraid how it would turn out (especially being a single parent) since most parents of my generation were the total opposite. I am mighty proud of both of them and while I am still a father figure I am also a good friend to them, you wouldn't believe of the tight bond when we are together. After this unexpected hospitalization I had the opportunity to share with them how important it was for me to give them and their sons quality time.

While not being a perfect human being nor a father I feel giving back the love to my own descendants is actually the best way possible to honor my own father. Yes dad, I vow to love my own as much as possible till we meet again. I'd love to think that after a painfull life and raising 7 children that you are at peace in the presence of God (amen).

To all of you that may have lost their father either this year or only a few years ago and are still feeling the pain even more at this time of the year please let's share and remember this prayer.

''My God, give me the serenity of accepting the things I can not change, the courage of changing the things I can change and the wisdom of knowing the difference''

Sorry if I poorly cited this prayer as I tried to translate it from French the best I could. This prayer has been with me since I mourned my own father 35 years ago and definitely helped me going throught the immense sorrow (not sure if I could have without it).

Happy Fathers Day everyone!
TK

Jake · 2010-06-20, 10:44 PM

Very touching TK. Thanks for sharing.

DT1 · 2010-06-20, 11:21 PM

Great post

eljay · 2010-06-21, 11:21 AM

My dad died about 9 years ago, but I can't say that I miss him. I think about him the odd time (just as I think about my mom, who's also dead), but I'm not particularly sentimental about the deceased.

That being said, I appreciate the sentiments of your post, TECHNOKID, and I'm glad to hear that you have a good relationship with your kids. And I hope the illness for which you were hospitalized has been cured and will not recur.

TECHNOKID · 2010-06-21, 08:24 PM

Thanks Eljay

Death is actually part of life and it is healthy to remember our own exactly the way you mentioned. I simply wanted to post both father and children including honoring past generation and I guess for some it is a good thing to share such. As far as the illness-sickness I am not out of the way yet as I have to recover muscle mass (unfortunately when hospitalized we often loose muscle strenght rather than loosing the fat

). After nearly 5 months now the surgery is a thing of the past (except a nice big scar). The lost of muscle mass has simply moved toward the back problems and I am working really hard on getting better while keeping a positive atitude (fitness program is part of the planning).

Nursedude, thanks for your comments and for sharing your own experience

. I hope everyone actually had a very special father day. I went for brunch yesterday morning and it was mentioned to me that father's day was not as popular as mothers day (at least in restaurant), fine by me, mothers deserve it and possibly need the shown appreciation more than man?? Maybe for us, simple life experience like mentioned in my post is quite eficient for us to be content. Having our children to take the time to drop by the family home every once in a while is a big thing and much appreciated.

Cheers!
TK

Nanuuk · 2010-06-21, 11:06 PM

TK, I also appreciate your post. I miss my Dad a lot who passed away at age 79 two years ago. My Mom left us 11 years ago. Apart from the family ties, I think what I miss most is the perspective our elders can give us on life. I also had the pleasure of calling my neighbour, who passed away at age 86, a friend.

john33 · 2010-06-23, 08:45 PM

Fathers day is very tough for me. My dad passed away on May 22 1975, when I was 9 years old. I was told he took his own life when I was 13. Later on in life I believe it was the stress of my divorce from my first wife that caused her dad to die from a heart attack. My second wife and I have just finished spending fathers day with her dad in Kingsville. He had a heart attack, was in the hospital in Leamington (during the tornado !!) and was shipped to Windsor and then London for a triple bypass ! We traveled to London almost every day to visit. He made it home for fathers day where we had a memorable time.

TK - great story, you sound like a great dad !!

TECHNOKID · 2010-06-24, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Fathers day is very tough for me. My dad passed away on May 22 1975,

...and I tought I was young when my father died! Life is much better than what you have been through hang in there, you'll get to taste a much better flavor of life

2010-06-20, 10:28 PM	#1
TECHNOKID Veteran Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Gatineau Posts: 2,944	Remembering and honoring our fathers (2010) Well, I was surprised not to see any thread on this special day this year so here we go. My father died in 1975 (was 35 years ago on May 14 of this year), I was only 19 years old then. I always thought I was too young to loose my father and I could have used his wisdom. The worse is that both of my sons never got to know their grandfather When I got married, I vowed my own children would live different and it was clear to me that I wanted children early in age so they could enjoy their father for many years even in their adult age. When the grand sons came (1 for each of my son during the same year), II extended that hope so that I and the grand children could also enjoy each others presence. This year was quite an eye opener as I unexpectedly was admitted to hospital. My sons have never been used to see their father in a position of weakness and I even failed them trying to spare them the knowledge of my hospitalization. This simply made it worse since they learned about it from strangers (my employer). They have been trying to reach me since they wanted to meet for my birthday (witch being in hospital I didn't remember). Both of my sons have since put on hold their own lives to be around and care for their father. They were traveling approximately 2.5 hours to come see and attend their father. They had carefully planned with my sisters to split-share visit time to ensure their father was not alone as much as possible. The both of them also traveled over night to make sure they were ready for their dad when pulling out of hospital. They also left middle of the night the next day as they made sure I was safe home before going back to their own life. For quite a few months they were coming home to dad just about every weekends. I actually had to tell one of my son (youngest) to extend the time between his visits as his GF was starting to feel put aside. I always worry that when they devote to their dad that it might create problems with their own families and try to avoid such as much as possible. While a loving father (I hope) I was also a father of discipline but was afraid how it would turn out (especially being a single parent) since most parents of my generation were the total opposite. I am mighty proud of both of them and while I am still a father figure I am also a good friend to them, you wouldn't believe of the tight bond when we are together. After this unexpected hospitalization I had the opportunity to share with them how important it was for me to give them and their sons quality time. While not being a perfect human being nor a father I feel giving back the love to my own descendants is actually the best way possible to honor my own father. Yes dad, I vow to love my own as much as possible till we meet again. I'd love to think that after a painfull life and raising 7 children that you are at peace in the presence of God (amen). To all of you that may have lost their father either this year or only a few years ago and are still feeling the pain even more at this time of the year please let's share and remember this prayer. ''My God, give me the serenity of accepting the things I can not change, the courage of changing the things I can change and the wisdom of knowing the difference'' Sorry if I poorly cited this prayer as I tried to translate it from French the best I could. This prayer has been with me since I mourned my own father 35 years ago and definitely helped me going throught the immense sorrow (not sure if I could have without it). Happy Fathers Day everyone! TK

2010-06-20, 10:44 PM	#2
Jake Moderator Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Gatineau and Ottawa Posts: 10,183	Very touching TK. Thanks for sharing. __________________ Tip: See an offending post? Don't reply, report it by clicking on the 'Report Post' icon.

2010-06-21, 11:21 AM	#4
eljay Premium Supporter Join Date: May 2003 Location: Ottawa (Orleans), ON Posts: 8,344	My dad died about 9 years ago, but I can't say that I miss him. I think about him the odd time (just as I think about my mom, who's also dead), but I'm not particularly sentimental about the deceased. That being said, I appreciate the sentiments of your post, TECHNOKID, and I'm glad to hear that you have a good relationship with your kids. And I hope the illness for which you were hospitalized has been cured and will not recur. __________________ MY HT SET-UP (PICS & GEAR LIST)

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2010-06-20, 11:21 PM	#3
DT1 Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 379	Great post

2010-06-21, 08:24 PM	#5
TECHNOKID Veteran Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Gatineau Posts: 2,944	Thanks Eljay Death is actually part of life and it is healthy to remember our own exactly the way you mentioned. I simply wanted to post both father and children including honoring past generation and I guess for some it is a good thing to share such. As far as the illness-sickness I am not out of the way yet as I have to recover muscle mass (unfortunately when hospitalized we often loose muscle strenght rather than loosing the fat ). After nearly 5 months now the surgery is a thing of the past (except a nice big scar). The lost of muscle mass has simply moved toward the back problems and I am working really hard on getting better while keeping a positive atitude (fitness program is part of the planning). Nursedude, thanks for your comments and for sharing your own experience . I hope everyone actually had a very special father day. I went for brunch yesterday morning and it was mentioned to me that father's day was not as popular as mothers day (at least in restaurant), fine by me, mothers deserve it and possibly need the shown appreciation more than man?? Maybe for us, simple life experience like mentioned in my post is quite eficient for us to be content. Having our children to take the time to drop by the family home every once in a while is a big thing and much appreciated. Cheers! TK

2010-06-21, 11:06 PM	#6
Nanuuk Veteran Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Calgary, AB Shaw Exo Posts: 4,811	TK, I also appreciate your post. I miss my Dad a lot who passed away at age 79 two years ago. My Mom left us 11 years ago. Apart from the family ties, I think what I miss most is the perspective our elders can give us on life. I also had the pleasure of calling my neighbour, who passed away at age 86, a friend.

2010-06-23, 08:45 PM	#7
john33 Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Hamilton- St Clair Posts: 242	Fathers day is very tough for me. My dad passed away on May 22 1975, when I was 9 years old. I was told he took his own life when I was 13. Later on in life I believe it was the stress of my divorce from my first wife that caused her dad to die from a heart attack. My second wife and I have just finished spending fathers day with her dad in Kingsville. He had a heart attack, was in the hospital in Leamington (during the tornado !!) and was shipped to Windsor and then London for a triple bypass ! We traveled to London almost every day to visit. He made it home for fathers day where we had a memorable time. TK - great story, you sound like a great dad !!