April Fools Highlights for 2009

[hugh]

To avoid multiple threads, please post any links to funny or shocking April Fools jokes for 2009 here

[hugh]

Virgin Mobile says "kiss bad breath goodbye" with its groundbreaking new service

TORONTO, April 1 /CNW/ - Today Virgin Mobile Canada unveiled a
revolutionary new mobile phone service that helps people answer the
embarrassing question "Does My Breath Stink?" Finally putting an end to one of
the most socially disastrous physical problems around today - common Halitosis
- Virgin Mobile is expanding its services from letting you make calls to
making sure your fresh-smelling breath ensures you'll still have friends to
make calls to.
Studies show the number of one night stands and successful job interviews
is significantly reduced by the presence of nasty breath; while the instances
of crying babies, offers of gum and people yelling "thanks, but no thanks!" is
greatly increased. In response, Virgin Mobile is launching the Virgin Mobile
Stink-a-lyzer. This mobile phone service is an industry first - it helps you
take a reading of the number of nasty breath particles in your mouth and lets
you know if you are good to go... or good to go home.
With the Virgin Mobile Stink-a-lyzer, a customer simply dials
1.647.240.5653, takes a deep breath and then blows into the phone's receiver.
The detection system then kicks into gear and lets you know your breath status
on five levels ranging from "Shut Your Mouth Right Now" to "Breath On Me, You
Sexy Piece."
"Though I personally have never had bad breath, I've unfortunately had to
endure being around others who did and I imagine it must be quite traumatic,"
said Nathan Rosenberg, Virgin Mobile Canada's chief marketing officer. "Too
many people think a mint or some gum is going to take care of the problem. But
what if you don't have any of that stuff handy? Everyone always has their
mobile phone with them, so we're looking to take your Virgin Mobile beyond
calls, texting and web browsing into other useful applications. With the
Virgin Mobile Stink-a-lyzer you'll never have to worry about those bad breath
moments ever again."
Nathan went on to add, "We tested the Stink-a-lyzer here at Virgin
Mobile, in my own department. Everyone breathed into a tester phone before
approaching to ask to speak to me. Nobody really smelled badly before, but
thanks to the Stink-a-lyzer the number of people making sure their breath was
clean and minty before entering my social bubble went through the roof. From
personal experience, I can already say that the Stink-a-lyzer is a massive
success."
Virgin Mobile is also developing mobile phones that include a stick of
deodorant, cologne and/or perfume applicators, a pop-out
toothpick/floss/toothbrush feature and an all in one "Virgin Mobile Swiss Army
Phone" featuring a variety of useful tools and tiny personal gadgets.

Okay here's one press release

[hugh]

Introducing Google Chrome with 3D

[hugh]

YouTube backwards

[99gecko]

Twitter switch for Guardian, after 188 years of ink

• Newspaper to be available only on messaging service
• Experts say any story can be told in 140 characters

Consolidating its position at the cutting edge of new media technology, the Guardian today announces that it will become the first newspaper in the world to be published exclusively via Twitter, the sensationally popular social networking service that has transformed online communication.
...
Sceptics have expressed concerns that 140 characters may be insufficient to capture the full breadth of meaningful human activity, but social media experts say the spread of Twitter encourages brevity, and that it ought to be possible to convey the gist of any message in a tweet.

For example, Martin Luther King's legendary 1963 speech on the steps of the Lincoln memorial appears in the Guardian's Twitterised archive as "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the colour of their skin but by", eliminating the waffle and bluster of the original.

[victor]

DOBA Revolution in Banking

New players are breaking onto the banking scene offering low-cost specialized
services. Traditional banks try to be everything to everyone by offering a huge
array of services including various types of loans, bank accounts, retirement
investment accounts, and many more products. The new players are specializing
in individual banking services.

By specializing, these new banks hope to offer the best service and lowest fees
in their specialty. Initially, the so-called DOBA banks are offering bank accounts
with no transaction fees, no minimum balances, and the highest interest rates
in the industry.

For some reason, the first product that these new banks are specializing in is
the DOBA (Deposit-Only Bank Account). In time perhaps banks specializing in
the WOBA (Withdrawal-Only Bank Account) will enter the fray as well.

[Tezster]

Just a question for clarity's sake - is the DHC announcement NOT to post April Fool's jokes in itself an April Fool's joke?

[Tezster]

Tiger Woods to miss remainder of PGA Tour's 2009 season after re-injuring knee

Commenting on the startling news to a group of reporters in Tucson, Jack Nicklaus said, "It looks like my majors record is safe. I've been telling you guys all along the guy couldn't go a whole career swinging like a mad man."

PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem was spotted in an airport bar in Orlando, visibly crying into a glass of bourbon.

Reached for comment at his home in Scottsdale, Phil Mickelson said: "I'm sorry to hear about Tiger, but at least this means Steve Williams will be out of work awhile."

NBC Sports announced shortly following the news they would not carry the remainder of events on their schedule, citing an "implied 'Tiger Clause'" that voids their five-year deal with the PGA Tour, which promptly issued a lawsuit against NBC-Universal.

[tablo]

Google brain search!

[tablo]

Originally Posted by hugh

Introducing Google Chrome with 3D

After all, that just makes you to download google chrome!

[mrhooie]

My Wii Buddy

click on the My Wii Buddy Link on Gamestop

http://www.gamestop.com/

Introducing My Wii Buddy, the first ventriloquism game designed exclusively for the Nintendo Wii. Designed in collaboration with both of the world’s foremost ventriloquism experts, My Wii Buddy teaches you the art of voice manipulation through fun, easy to learn exercises and activities. Simply place your Wii Remote in the specially designed dummy’s back and let the fun begin. Contains 14 unique training lessons and 7 different mini-games, including:

* Who’s the Dummy: Play with up to four friends, and try to figure out who’s really doing the talking.
* Your Hands are Cold: This mini-game features warm-up exercises to get your hands ready for some intense ventriloquist action.
* Lip Locked: Test your skill by trying to speak some of the world’s most difficult words without moving your lips.

Comes complete with fully functional ventriloquist dummy, with features so life-like, your friends will wonder who your new little friend is.

[NineBall]

SuperTalent

I particularly like the photoshoped shield on the product images.

San Jose, California – April 1, 2009 – Super Talent Technology, a leading manufacturer of Flash storage solutions and DRAM memory modules, today announced its patented RAIDDrive™, which dramatically increases the performance and slot capacity of PCI Express-based storage solution. The new RAIDDrive is the market’s largest and most innovative server-based solid-state storage solution, and an extension of its patented technology from the RAIDSSD™ product lines.

RAIDDrives support up to 2 TB of MLC or SLC Nand Flash memories, have a turbocharged DRAM Cache, and the RAIDDrive ES is fully battery backed to protect data in the event of power loss. The RAIDDrives connect through a PCIe Gen. 2.0 x8 interface and are capable of delivering sequential Read speeds of up to 1.2GB/s, sequential Write speeds of up to 1.3GB/s. More performance details will be unveiled in June. As an optional feature users will be able to configure the drives with an internal RAID5 capability to deliver an extra level of data protection for mission critical applications.

[NineBall]

Phoronix

Fake interview regarding an awesome new Linux distro called Wallbuntu. Here's a small excerpt.

Hi Mr. Bernabeo! Thank you for taking the time to discuss your new Linux distribution, WALLBUNTU, with us this morning. Can you start by telling us a little bit about yourself---how you became involved in Linux?

Michael: I started using Linux in the mid-90s. Back then, I didn't like how my Black & Decker toaster would consistently burn my bagels every morning, so I decided to do something about it. I considered a number of options, from buying a new toaster to suicide, but then I found Linux.

[tablo]

Originally Posted by Tezster

Just a question for clarity's sake - is the DHC announcement NOT to post April Fool's jokes in itself an April Fool's joke?

Link from that notice is this thread. So you can post jokes here!

[Ruthless82]

http://www.nin.com/pub/strobelight/

New spoof album from Nine Inch Nails.